tried to wait....

so... i have had crazy symptoms all week. monday morning i woke up to the worst nausea I have ever felt. turns out it was early morning sickness. had it monday, then tuesday... this gave my lovely gf the fuel to push me to test earlier than we meant to. So wednesday morning i attempted to POAS. We bought the Equate brand HPT.  My first attempt was dumb. I think i was still half asleep and pretty much missed the stick. So i tried it again and got this...

As you can tell it was very faint. And after researching online, and finding review after review about how blue dye tests give false positives, I didn't want to get too excited. That afternoon we went out and bought a more reliable, pink dye FRER. Wednesday morning, I peed into a cup and dipped... Much better for my uncoordinated self. This time, we got this result...

A little better. Definitely two lines but the faintness didnt make me feel like I was pregnant. Lets try this one more time...

A darker line! Yay! and now to make it official...

Ladies and gents! I am pregnant! We are overjoyed! super excited! Now to hold our tongues for a couple of weeks before we tell our families :)

one week away...

in one week i will know if there is a little one growing inside of me. In one week i will know if i should be going shopping for maternity clothes, or if i will be hitting the gym hard. in one week...

I am ready. I will be on the lookout for bleeding this week, either implantation or AF. hopefully implantation. :) I know its silly, but since the first time i saw my uterus, ive been talking to the baby. a baby that hadnt been conceived yet, but that had already found a place in my heart and mind. now that we are only a week away from a definite answer, ive been talking more and more to our little one. i close my eyes and ask him to stick around. i tell him that i love him, and that i promise i will give him the best home if he hangs around. I remind him that he has two mommas waiting out here to give him all the love and attention he needs. I hope he hears me.

I know i sound like a crazy lady, but I have this crazy faith that this is it. and for now, i am ok living in this craziness. :)

whats going on in there??

so before we had our iui, i braced myself for my symptoms. I get symptoms for AF about a week before, and i figured that i would feel the same thing during tww so i wouldnt get too excited over anything. oh was i wrong...

since 1dpo i have had this "full" feeling. i described it to A as a mixture of butterflies and cramps. very odd feeling. def nothing ive felt before. I have felt hungrier, but i cant say that its any real "symptom". I stopped smoking and nerves have def been a part of my every waking moment. food is probably just something that calms me...

yesterday, 3dpo, i had the "full" feeling all day. when bedtime arrived, I was laying in bed and got the biggest wave of nauseau. I felt like i was going to throw up. The only thing I could do to feel better is go to sleep.

Now today... 4dpo. I have felt so tired and full-crampy. Yawning at work all day with a dull headache. couldnt wait to get home and lay on the couch and pass out. which is exactly what i did. slept hard for about an hour and woke up feeling like a truck hit me in my sleep. I had to work had at waking up and feel better. even as i write this, i have a slight headache.

i'm trying not to look up every symptom i feel, but it is hard to stay away from google. A is being so sweet and understanding. Even last night she was looking up things so she knows how to deal with what im going through. I really found me a good one. ill keep updating any other symptoms. we have decided to test on sunday morning. just for shits and giggles. crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. :)

triggers, iui's and tww's

went in for my last ultrasound on Wednesday. ms follie grew 5 mm and was at a healthy 19 mm. I got my trigger shot and we did the iui yesterday.

Before we went in, I think I was slightly obsessive about everything. Going over the process in my head over and over. Talking A's ear off about it.
Friday morning I just felt excited. Like when you're going to a concert of someone you really like. She came with me and ordered our vial, had some breakfast and then went in for the procedure. Dr G was very gentle, but I still felt slight discomfort. It was so quick that I almost missed it. I felt a little cramp and he said we were done.
Now I have to act pregnant. Don't do anything I wouldn't do if I were pregnant. That's no problem.
So now we're in the tww. To be honest, I thought I would be freaking out but, I feel really good. I feel relieved and peaceful I know we have done all we could and now it's in God's hands. In two weeks we will know what he decided and we'll go from there.

I'll update any symptoms I might feel in the next few days.

one more u/s

its been an interesting couple of days. I went to the doctor on monday for a post clomid ultrasound. I have one front runner that was at 14mm and three more that were slightly smaller. I have been focusing all of my energy on growing those babies into big healthy eggs. Ive done a few unorthodox things. lol couldnt hurt right? a few forum posts have suggested to lay with your legs up for 20 minutes, others say to keep a heating pad on your ovaries, drink lots of milk, eat lots of protein, and chug water all day. well, guess whos been doing that for the last couple of days? this gal. i have one more ultrasound tomorrow. hopefully they are a good size and more than that, hopefully theres two of them. if so, i will get a trigger shot and we will inseminate on friday.

I had to take a step i was hoping to wait on for a little while. I was trying to wait on telling my boss about our pregnancy plans but considering im having to take significant time off this week, i couldnt keep him in the dark much longer. I was thinking of fibbing but i couldnt do it. it felt like bad karma. he was actually really cool about it and told me to do what i needed to do.

and now im off to bed. gonna put my feet up for the necessary 20 minutes, with a heating pad on my ovaries, and then gonna take my fiber, multi vitamin and prenatal vitamin drink a big glass of milk.

Good night loves!

prayers and horoscopes

i have my first post-clomid ultrasound tomorrow. Im ready to find out whats going on with the follies. I feel heavy... I imagine my fallopian tubes looking like trees full of fruit. Ripe and ready to fall... As if my eggs are large peaches hanging heavily off the limbs. I feel as if I have gained weight. My pants fit tighter than normal, but the scale hasnt moved from a 4lb range. Its probably just bloat. I do, however, realize that if in about two weeks I get a BFP, I will be shopping for bigger clothes very soon.

I have had a pretty good weekend. Been to the rodeo twice in the last week. Once to see Bruno Mars, and last night went to see the Band Perry. Its been much needed distraction. I think I have been thinking too hard and too long about it. Today, I have been home alone with my thoughts and all I could do all day is stop and pray every five minutes. Speaking out loud to the Mother and her Son, my grandmother and her grandfather. Asking them to help us in this journey. Asking them for everything to look good tomorrow, and later on this week to help the little seamen make their way to Ms. Follie. I am such a control freak and having to leave it all up to God is hard for me, but I know that none of this is under our control. He has a plan, and all we can do is pray that it works out.

So tonight I will light a candle for Mary, I will pray to her and Him. Hoping my prayers are heard in the heavens.

PS. this was my horoscope on Friday. :)

You might decide to take some extra time at lunch or take off early - some recreational sport or hobby beckons. There is an amazingly good aspect in your "love and family" sectors right now - if you have been trying to start a family or add to one, now is the time to get busy with your, uhm, "expansion plans".

one week

in one week i will be in limbo between the ultrasound and our insemination date. in one week, i will be sitting here, watching king of queens reruns, trying to keep my mind occupied.

today is day four of the clomid. i have been lucky enough that i have not felt many symptoms. until today... I had only had a couple of hot flashes, definite cramping or throbbing in my ovary regions, and i have been tired, like TIRED. I took pill #4 at around 4 o'clock today, and i have been cramping all afternoon and whoa, the mood swings. I was able to see my nephew this evening, and it brought all sorts of emotions to the surface. ive been crying on and off all evening. last day of clomid tomorrow. thank jeebus.

yesterday was the first year anniversary of a's grandfather's passing. we made a trip to visit burial place, and while her family was making small talk about people they know, i.e. gossip, all i could do was talk to him in my head. thanking him for all his amazing help. for being there for us even after being gone. I know he can hear us. i know he knows we think about him every day.

i have been feeling a little alone the last couple of days. i know i have a. here but ive been feeling like i have been talking about baby things all the time. I feel like i have been boring her, or annoying her, or just not keeping her interest. ugh... its probably just in my head.

Im so ready to be preggers... one more week.