hey there sweet pea!

it has been a few weeks since our easter announcement. i have continued feeling gaggy, bloated, and sleepy everyday. the everyday reminder that there is life growing inside of me. there are a couple of new developments also: 1. my pants are no longer fitting. i've never been a thin girl. i have always had plenty of thigh and bum meat, but now my tummy is getting in on the fun. dont know if its more because im bloated, or if i have actually gained weight, but my used-to-fit-perfectly pants are no longer closing. A chastised me this morning after i laid down to try to close one of my favorite pairs of jeans. We went shopping the other day and i didnt necesariliy have to wear those jeans, but i wanted to. yeah, that the last time im going to try to fit into those pants... hopefully for the next 10 months. :) 2. we had our first ultrasound on tuesday. our little one is growing just as he should be. he's so tiny ( and he's a HE until the doctor says any different )

A has been bugging me to let her announce it to all our friends on facebook. after the ultrasound, i let her. we have received so many well wishes and support. really makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. it has taken away  the bad taste left in my mouth after easter. i know its early, and most people wait until they are out of their first trimester, but i have faith in God, that whatever happens we will be ok. i am enjoying my pregnancy day by day, and although the future holds a ton of uncertainty, i want to embrace my faith that everything will be ok. that come december, i will be holding a tiny little human in my arms. my heart and body are no longer my own, i love this little guy growing inside of me.

i am looking forward to a couple of things in the next couple of weeks. one week from today, we will be going to san antonio for Fiesta. we like to describe this party-all-the-time, shut-down-the-city as the mexican mardi gras. its alot of fun, especially when you're drinking all weekend. in lieu of alcohol, i will be eating. or trying to anyways. since last night, i have been throwing up after eating. even though one of my most hated activities is throwing up, after reading that actual throwing up has a positive correlation to a lower risk of miscarriage, i dont mind it so much.

I found an awesome article online about things you dont ask lesbian moms. I have found it super funny and irritating when people ask me "i thought you only liked girls?" I dont know if to bust out laughing or to punch them in the throat. I find it completely ridiculous. I guess i have given people too much credit. i assume people read, watch the news, or are generally informed. guess not.   They like to ask who the dad is. well, there is no dad. our child will have two moms. "well, where did the sperm come from?" why is that and ok question to ask? and no i am not ok talking about who the donor is or what he looks like. our child will be raised in a mexican american household and that all that matters. i guess these are just questions i really didnt expect to be asked. I just thought people would have a little more tact than to ask. boy, was i wrong.

I feel like my belly is getting rounder everyday. most likely because im crazy bloated, but it does make the hunny smile to see that im getting fluffier, as she says. my boobs are so much bigger than they normally are, or at least they feel that way. I havent really worn a regular bra in a few months, mostly sports bras. even my comfy sports bras are feeling tight. we'll give it a few more weeks, and then i might have to break down and buy another couple pairs of bras.

thats life right now. looking forward to our next appointment on the 25th. :) we'll hear our little guys heartbeat!! 

Needing to vent...

I have had a few days to marinate on the weekends events. overall we had a great weekend. spent time with family, made more memories. but this year, we came to Easter with our own little bit of news. Saturday night we had dinner with A's mom, her sisters and an aunt that tagged along. we decided we would tell them that night. I went out and bought her mom a really sweet card and included a picture of our positive pregnancy test. Her mom read it and looked like she was going to burst into a happy yell any minute, but nothing ever happened. she seemed extremely confused. not sure if to be happy, or ask questions. there was no big hug, no congratulations. it just lacked the emotion that i was hoping for. to make the dinner even more awkward, it only took her aunt a couple of minutes to start telling us about the funeral of her friend that passed away the week before from complications from childbirth. REALLY? I am very sorry for that woman and her family, but that was one of the most distasteful and inappropriate moments to tell that story.

Easter Sunday started out with me gagging loudly in the bathroom and A's mom looking at me like "poor girl". That afternoon we went to A's grandmas house for lunch and the annual egg hunt. We decided since her aunt knew, it would only be a matter of time before everyone knew. We went ahead and spread the news. There was again some confusion, but overall the feel was more celebratory than the night before. that is until one of A's aunts came to me, and said " i heard... Congratulations!" gave me a hug and then added " but you know i have mixed feelings about it" WHAT? let me count the ways that that little addition was unnecessary. 

1. if your congratulations was not sincere because you are not 100% happy for us, don't waste your breath. 

2. for a woman that is such an avid churchgoer, your sense of love and compassion was little to none at that moment. 

3. please don't tell me you have mixed feelings, because although you were not sincere with your congratulations, i will be sincere and tell you that your feelings about my life are not very important to me.

and it felt like every time i walked into a room, i kept hearing the wonderful death by childbirth story... I felt like screaming.

stopped at  my mom's to share the news with her. had to do it quietly to not arouse suspicion from my dad, who i am going to wait to tell until June. She smiled and said that she was happy but she wanted to hold off being excited until i knew for sure. As in, keep calm until your first trimester is over. WTF?? I expected a totally different response. I don't know about anyone else, but i am beyond excited. I have a tiny human growing inside of me. That tiny human was prayed for and hoped for months now. i know there are risks, but i have so much faith in God and the Mother, that come December, we will be welcoming our little one, both of us healthy and safe.

Even though our support from our families is thin, we do have an incredible support system. My sister has been a sweetheart, my best friend has been there for us since the very beginning, A's sister has also been sweet. And we have each other. 

tried to wait....

so... i have had crazy symptoms all week. monday morning i woke up to the worst nausea I have ever felt. turns out it was early morning sickness. had it monday, then tuesday... this gave my lovely gf the fuel to push me to test earlier than we meant to. So wednesday morning i attempted to POAS. We bought the Equate brand HPT.  My first attempt was dumb. I think i was still half asleep and pretty much missed the stick. So i tried it again and got this...

As you can tell it was very faint. And after researching online, and finding review after review about how blue dye tests give false positives, I didn't want to get too excited. That afternoon we went out and bought a more reliable, pink dye FRER. Wednesday morning, I peed into a cup and dipped... Much better for my uncoordinated self. This time, we got this result...

A little better. Definitely two lines but the faintness didnt make me feel like I was pregnant. Lets try this one more time...

A darker line! Yay! and now to make it official...

Ladies and gents! I am pregnant! We are overjoyed! super excited! Now to hold our tongues for a couple of weeks before we tell our families :)

one week away...

in one week i will know if there is a little one growing inside of me. In one week i will know if i should be going shopping for maternity clothes, or if i will be hitting the gym hard. in one week...

I am ready. I will be on the lookout for bleeding this week, either implantation or AF. hopefully implantation. :) I know its silly, but since the first time i saw my uterus, ive been talking to the baby. a baby that hadnt been conceived yet, but that had already found a place in my heart and mind. now that we are only a week away from a definite answer, ive been talking more and more to our little one. i close my eyes and ask him to stick around. i tell him that i love him, and that i promise i will give him the best home if he hangs around. I remind him that he has two mommas waiting out here to give him all the love and attention he needs. I hope he hears me.

I know i sound like a crazy lady, but I have this crazy faith that this is it. and for now, i am ok living in this craziness. :)

whats going on in there??

so before we had our iui, i braced myself for my symptoms. I get symptoms for AF about a week before, and i figured that i would feel the same thing during tww so i wouldnt get too excited over anything. oh was i wrong...

since 1dpo i have had this "full" feeling. i described it to A as a mixture of butterflies and cramps. very odd feeling. def nothing ive felt before. I have felt hungrier, but i cant say that its any real "symptom". I stopped smoking and nerves have def been a part of my every waking moment. food is probably just something that calms me...

yesterday, 3dpo, i had the "full" feeling all day. when bedtime arrived, I was laying in bed and got the biggest wave of nauseau. I felt like i was going to throw up. The only thing I could do to feel better is go to sleep.

Now today... 4dpo. I have felt so tired and full-crampy. Yawning at work all day with a dull headache. couldnt wait to get home and lay on the couch and pass out. which is exactly what i did. slept hard for about an hour and woke up feeling like a truck hit me in my sleep. I had to work had at waking up and feel better. even as i write this, i have a slight headache.

i'm trying not to look up every symptom i feel, but it is hard to stay away from google. A is being so sweet and understanding. Even last night she was looking up things so she knows how to deal with what im going through. I really found me a good one. ill keep updating any other symptoms. we have decided to test on sunday morning. just for shits and giggles. crossing our fingers and hoping for the best. :)

triggers, iui's and tww's

went in for my last ultrasound on Wednesday. ms follie grew 5 mm and was at a healthy 19 mm. I got my trigger shot and we did the iui yesterday.

Before we went in, I think I was slightly obsessive about everything. Going over the process in my head over and over. Talking A's ear off about it.
Friday morning I just felt excited. Like when you're going to a concert of someone you really like. She came with me and ordered our vial, had some breakfast and then went in for the procedure. Dr G was very gentle, but I still felt slight discomfort. It was so quick that I almost missed it. I felt a little cramp and he said we were done.
Now I have to act pregnant. Don't do anything I wouldn't do if I were pregnant. That's no problem.
So now we're in the tww. To be honest, I thought I would be freaking out but, I feel really good. I feel relieved and peaceful I know we have done all we could and now it's in God's hands. In two weeks we will know what he decided and we'll go from there.

I'll update any symptoms I might feel in the next few days.

one more u/s

its been an interesting couple of days. I went to the doctor on monday for a post clomid ultrasound. I have one front runner that was at 14mm and three more that were slightly smaller. I have been focusing all of my energy on growing those babies into big healthy eggs. Ive done a few unorthodox things. lol couldnt hurt right? a few forum posts have suggested to lay with your legs up for 20 minutes, others say to keep a heating pad on your ovaries, drink lots of milk, eat lots of protein, and chug water all day. well, guess whos been doing that for the last couple of days? this gal. i have one more ultrasound tomorrow. hopefully they are a good size and more than that, hopefully theres two of them. if so, i will get a trigger shot and we will inseminate on friday.

I had to take a step i was hoping to wait on for a little while. I was trying to wait on telling my boss about our pregnancy plans but considering im having to take significant time off this week, i couldnt keep him in the dark much longer. I was thinking of fibbing but i couldnt do it. it felt like bad karma. he was actually really cool about it and told me to do what i needed to do.

and now im off to bed. gonna put my feet up for the necessary 20 minutes, with a heating pad on my ovaries, and then gonna take my fiber, multi vitamin and prenatal vitamin drink a big glass of milk.

Good night loves!