Thursday, April 4, 2013

Needing to vent...


I have had a few days to marinate on the weekends events. overall we had a great weekend. spent time with family, made more memories. but this year, we came to Easter with our own little bit of news. Saturday night we had dinner with A's mom, her sisters and an aunt that tagged along. we decided we would tell them that night. I went out and bought her mom a really sweet card and included a picture of our positive pregnancy test. Her mom read it and looked like she was going to burst into a happy yell any minute, but nothing ever happened. she seemed extremely confused. not sure if to be happy, or ask questions. there was no big hug, no congratulations. it just lacked the emotion that i was hoping for. to make the dinner even more awkward, it only took her aunt a couple of minutes to start telling us about the funeral of her friend that passed away the week before from complications from childbirth. REALLY? I am very sorry for that woman and her family, but that was one of the most distasteful and inappropriate moments to tell that story.
Easter Sunday started out with me gagging loudly in the bathroom and A's mom looking at me like "poor girl". That afternoon we went to A's grandmas house for lunch and the annual egg hunt. We decided since her aunt knew, it would only be a matter of time before everyone knew. We went ahead and spread the news. There was again some confusion, but overall the feel was more celebratory than the night before. that is until one of A's aunts came to me, and said " i heard... Congratulations!" gave me a hug and then added " but you know i have mixed feelings about it" WHAT? let me count the ways that that little addition was unnecessary. 
1. if your congratulations was not sincere because you are not 100% happy for us, don't waste your breath. 
2. for a woman that is such an avid churchgoer, your sense of love and compassion was little to none at that moment. 
3. please don't tell me you have mixed feelings, because although you were not sincere with your congratulations, i will be sincere and tell you that your feelings about my life are not very important to me.
and it felt like every time i walked into a room, i kept hearing the wonderful death by childbirth story... I felt like screaming.
stopped at  my mom's to share the news with her. had to do it quietly to not arouse suspicion from my dad, who i am going to wait to tell until June. She smiled and said that she was happy but she wanted to hold off being excited until i knew for sure. As in, keep calm until your first trimester is over. WTF?? I expected a totally different response. I don't know about anyone else, but i am beyond excited. I have a tiny human growing inside of me. That tiny human was prayed for and hoped for months now. i know there are risks, but i have so much faith in God and the Mother, that come December, we will be welcoming our little one, both of us healthy and safe.
Even though our support from our families is thin, we do have an incredible support system. My sister has been a sweetheart, my best friend has been there for us since the very beginning, A's sister has also been sweet. And we have each other. 
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 5, 2013 at 5:57 AM

    I hate this for you! We are in the same boat-I fear that type of reaction from our families too. However, it doesn't matter what people think because that baby will be loved by you and A and that's all that matters. I think once the baby is here, someone to hold and look at, they will change thier tune. Hang in there! Here's wishing for a happy healthy pregnancy!!! <3

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    1. thegabrielapolancoApril 5, 2013 at 3:19 PM

      and i guess my advice is hope for the best but dont feel horrible if you dont get the reaction you expect. I realized that i gave people a little more credit, thought they were a little more informed. but most people arent.

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  2. thegabrielapolancoApril 5, 2013 at 3:17 PM

    Yeah... Ive been making my peace with it and ive decided i wont be talking about it with them. if they ask a question ill answer it, but ill leave it there. Im enjoying every second of this. early or not, i dont ever want to look back and regret not enjoying the first few weeks of my pregnancy. My happiness does not depend on them. Thank you for your kind words! :)

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  3. UnknownApril 11, 2013 at 2:55 AM

    Oh that really is miserable.

    We had a divided response...my parents and family were thrilled. My wife's mother wasn't. Which was pretty awkward as she was one month into a 6 month visit from the Caribbean, staying in our house. I guess we were asking a little much from her. She's very Catholic, as in up at 3.30am to pray and off to church every morning. She knew we were a couple, but had never met a partner of her daughters. Within nights if her arriving my wife told her we were going to try to have a baby. A couple of nights later she expanded that to explain that get son who had accompanied her on the visit, was going to be our (my) donor. A week later my wife told her we were planning to get married, and that if she wanted to be there then we'd hold the ceremony while she was visiting, if not we'd wait to have it after she had gone home. (Which is what we ended up doing.) Then just over a week after she had recovered from all that, we announced that we were pregnant!
    I was sooo excited that we immediately told her the morning we found out. I wish we had've waited and kept it to ourselves for a bit as it was a real downer. She just looked at us, then looked away and went on making her breakfast. That night I was really wishing we were with my family as they would have been celebrating with us, but instead we just sat quietly and didnt talk about it anymore. She didn't mention it again really, apart from the odd bit of teasing about my eating habits.
    However when I lost the baby and was sitting on our bed straight after miscarrying it, she did come and put her hand on my shoulder while I sobbed my heart out. She'd gone home by the time we got our second BFP and I do t think my wife told her until I'd miscarried that one as well.
    Sorry for the essay. Long winded way to say I understand!

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